Dog Blows Through $30 Million Inheritance
Carrot after a recent arrest PAWNEE, Illinois–Two years ago Carrot, a seven-year-old Australian Shepherd mix, made national headlines when he was named as the sole beneficiary in the will of […]
Celebrity Ghost Hunters Premiere to Feature Ghost of Heath Ledger
HOLLYWOOD–The History Channel is set to premiere its highly anticipated new series, Celebrity Ghost Hunters, this week and the show’s creators promise it will be a start-studded event as the crew […]
White House Buys Multi-Billion Dollar Insurance Policy on State of Missouri
WASHINGTON, D.C.–Sources within the Obama administration confirmed today that the White House has purchased property insurance through State Farm that covers the entire state of Missouri. The policy lists President […]
Sean Hannity Diagnosed with Rare Form of Stupidity
NEW YORK CITY–Sean Hannity, host of the Fox News program Hannity, shocked his legions of fans today when he revealed that he has been diagnosed with an extremely rare and […]
Texas Governor Instructs National Guard to Monitor Perseids Meteor Shower
AUSTIN, Texas–Governor Greg Abbott has responded to growing concerns from residents all across the state who believe the Perseids Meteor Shower to be a carefully orchestrated ruse that the Obama […]
Mike Huckabee Draws Perfect Likeness of Inside of Own Rectum From Memory Alone
Can you speak up? I have shit in my ears. MARYVILLE, Arkansas—GOP presidential hopeful and former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee visited Miss Cynthia Parker’s first grade art class at Maryville […]
Cop Who Shot Unarmed Black Man Just Relieved He Didn’t Kill Lion
JACKSON, Mississippi—Officer Clyde Harris, a twelve-year veteran of the Jackson Police Department who earlier this year was exonerated after fatally shooting an unarmed black man, has admitted to colleagues and […]
Wilmer Valderrama Reviews Sex with Caitlyn Jenner
Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career. This week, Wilmer reviews brand new human […]
Tom Brady’s Son Voted Most Likely to Succeed by Pre-Schoolmates
LOS ANGELES, California—Benjamin Brady, the six year-old son of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen, has been voted Most Likely to Succeed by his classmates at […]
Aborted Fetuses May Become Important Part of Balanced Breakfast
WASHINGTON, D.C.–United States Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack addressed rumors today that the USDA was conducting studies into the viability of using aborted fetuses as a primary ingredient in a […]
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