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Monthly Archives: September 2014

Rosie O’Donnell on The View: ‘I’m a Woman Living in a Man’s Body’

September 18, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

And that man is a heavyweight boxer HOLLYWOOD, Calif.–In her first week back on the television talk show, The View, comedienne Rosie O’Donnell made a heartfelt announcement that left nary […]

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Entertainment

After 30 Years, Scientology Cures John Travolta of Homosexuality

September 18, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

Travolta proving how straight he is HOLLYWOOD, Calif.–Noted pilot and movie actor John Travolta addressed for the first time longstanding rumors that he has engaged in numerous long-term homosexual affairs […]

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Science

CIA Chief Denies Agency Uses Tickle Torture

September 15, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 7 Comments

  Hi! WASHINGTON, D.C.–CIA Director John Brennan testified before congress today to address the recent allegations that the espionage agency has used illegal interrogation techniques when questioning terror suspects.  Brennan […]

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US

Investigator Believes Man Who Smelt it Likely Dealt It

September 15, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

NEWBERRY, Maine–Investigators were stunned today to discover that the man responsible for a stomach-churning odor in a crowded doctor’s office waiting room was the same man who initially reported the […]

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Crime

Nation’s Sixth-Graders Prepare to Choose Sexual Orientation

September 15, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

DEERFIELD, Illinois–Across the nation, sixth-graders are feeling a combination of nervousness and excitement as they prepare for the traditional Day of Decision,on which they will announce their chosen sexual orientation. […]

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Lifestyle

NFL To Provide Training on Proper Way to Discipline Females

September 12, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

Goodell and a well-behaved woman NEW YORK CITY–Embattled NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is taking steps to prove the league is serious about its stance regarding physical violence against women.  The […]

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Sports

Obama Growing Weary of Mowing White House Lawn

September 10, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

The President is also responsible for planting the White House trees and gardens WASHINGTON, D.C.–White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest announced today that President Obama is currently accepting bids from […]

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Politics

Struggling Apple Entices New Employees With Samsung Stock Options

September 5, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

CUPERTINO, Calif.–As Apple, Inc. stocks continue to struggle, the computer giant is having an increasingly difficult time attracting the kind of highly sought-after IT workers it has long relied on […]

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Business

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  • Texas Governor Suggests Abortion Could Gain Support if it Were Performed by Shooting the Fetus
  • Investigation Reveals That I Fucked Your Mom
  • Lauren Boebert Says Colorado Gunman Fell One Kill Short of Earning Free Meal at Shooter's Grill
  • "Exploding Arm Syndrome" Completely Unrelated to COVID-19 Vaccine, says Pfizer Rep
  • Texas Pushes to Outlaw All Abortions Except in Cases Where Fetus Poses Threat to Mother and Father

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