CARY, Wyoming–Nancy Maines, a 24 year-old project manager, is apparently experiencing a heavier than normal menstrual cycle this month, her colleague Josh Simon reports. Maines recently filed a grievance with […]
HADES, Nebraska–Calling it an “incredible find,” Satan today described the elation he felt when he first inspected his latest acquisition, the soul of Texas Senator Ted Cruz. “Absolutely mint condition,” […]
HERSHEY, Pennsylvania–Just in time for Halloween, Hershey Corp., a division of ACME Corp., has announced it will be bringing back its classic chocolate-covered razorblade candies for a limited time. The delicious, […]
NEW YORK CITY–New York Jets Head Coach Todd Bowles told reporters today the team’s terrible quarterback, Geno Smith, has been cleared to return to the team after rehabilitating a broken […]
ST. LAWRENCE ISLAND, Alaska–David Carnak, a Yupik tribesman who has lived his entire life in this Arctic village, reported today that while he is concerned by the potential long-term environmental […]
NEW YORK CITY–The NFL is investigating allegations that New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has been sneaking into New York Giants team facilities and leaving dangerous fireworks lying around, […]
NEW YORK CITY–Marge Burns, a spokesman for Planned Parenthood, announced today the abortion specialists will be ceasing operations as it appears almost a certainty that Congress will vote to cease […]
BOWMAN, Montana–Newly married Shane Dotson, 27, says he was surprised to learn that his wife, Misty, had kept secret certain elements of her academic background. Dotson, who graduated from Montana […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.–President Barack Obama drew laughter today when he became embarrassed after forgetting the exact number of successful drone strikes he’s ordered against American citizens. “Thirty-one? Wait, no, thirty-two, I […]
BELLVILLE, Illinois–ACME Corporation CEO Latran Ferrell announced today a nationwide recall on ACME Bullshit Detectors that will affect nearly 100 million customers. Ferrell said the recall will affect all BS […]
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