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Category Archives: Business

Satan Astounded at Immaculate Condition of Ted Cruz’s Soul

September 28, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

HADES, Nebraska–Calling it an “incredible find,” Satan today described the elation he felt when he first inspected his latest acquisition, the soul of Texas Senator Ted Cruz. “Absolutely mint condition,” […]

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Business

Hershey’s Reintroduces Chocolate-Covered Razorblades for Halloween

September 28, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

HERSHEY, Pennsylvania–Just in time for Halloween, Hershey Corp., a division of ACME Corp., has announced it will be bringing back its classic chocolate-covered razorblade candies for a limited time.  The delicious, […]

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Business

ACME Corp. Issues Nationwide Recall of Bullshit Detectors

September 1, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

BELLVILLE, Illinois–ACME Corporation CEO Latran Ferrell announced today a nationwide recall on ACME Bullshit Detectors that will affect nearly 100 million customers.  Ferrell said the recall will affect all BS […]

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Business

Coal Barons Admit They “Were Only Foolin’”

May 20, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Gotcha! By Victor Miller BWN Special Correspondent TAILHOOK, Indiana–Marty and Blair Aghastique, world’s richest purveyors of anthracite—admitted king makers, secret Presidential manipulators and owners of governments from Washington to Canberra, […]

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Business

Woman Able to Determine Which Female Co-Workers She’ll Hate Within Minutes of Starting New Job

May 8, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

BASTROM, Ohio–Katie Hobbs, a 24 year-old accountant, displayed remarkable abilities to determine which of her fellow female co-workers are most likely to have negative personality traits or undesirable social habits […]

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Business

Harley Davidson Recalls Nearly One Million Motorcycle Riders

April 24, 2015by Sal Kingfisher 69 Comments

MILWAUKEE, Wisconson–Harley Davidson CEO Keith Wandell announced today that the popular American motorcycle manufacturer has issued a nationwide recall of nearly a million riders of its popular motorcycles.  Wandell said […]

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Business

Nation’s Snow Manufacturers Enjoy Record Winter Profits

March 5, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Handcrafted snow is incredibly labor intensive PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania–Russell Hart’s great-grandfather started Sno-Globe Industries in this city in 1919.  Within a half-century, the one-time mom and pop snow manufacturing company had […]

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Business

50 Shades of Grey Barbies Flying off Shelves

February 18, 2015by Sal Kingfisher 2 Comments

EL SEGUNDO, California–Christopher Sinclair, chairman of Mattel, Inc., announced today that the toy manufacturing company has enjoyed a nearly 20% sales increase this quarter over the same period a year […]

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Business

Buffalo Restaurant Workers Brace for Arrival of Rex Ryan

January 12, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

BUFFALO, New York–Newly hired Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan’s economic impact is already being felt in this city of over 250,000 as area restaurants scramble to hire additional employees […]

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Business

Car Dealer Commited to Asylum After Insane Markdowns

November 17, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

The outfit didn’t help MALLORY, Michigan–Authorities were called to a local auto dealership earlier today when owner Doug Anderson began displaying increasingly erratic behavior while filming a new commercial.  Anderson, […]

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Business

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