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Category Archives: Health

Texas Governor Suggests Abortion Could Gain Support if it Were Performed by Shooting the Fetus

May 24, 2022by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

AUSTIN, Texas—Earlier today Texas governor Greg Abbott told reporters he believes the state could easily change its wholesale opposition to abortion if there were a way to complete the procedure […]

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Health, Legal, Politics

“Exploding Arm Syndrome” Completely Unrelated to COVID-19 Vaccine, says Pfizer Rep

March 10, 2021by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

NEW YORK–Following the latest incident in which a man’s arm exploded into a cloud of red mist immediately after receiving his second dose of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, Dawn Wells, […]

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Health

Chick Accusing Co-Workers of Sexism Probably on the Rag or Something

September 29, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

CARY, Wyoming–Nancy Maines, a 24 year-old project manager, is apparently experiencing a heavier than normal menstrual cycle this month, her colleague Josh Simon reports.  Maines recently filed a grievance with […]

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Health

Planned Parenthood to Hold Going-Out-of-Business Abortion Blowout Sale

September 21, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

NEW YORK CITY–Marge Burns, a spokesman for Planned Parenthood, announced today the abortion specialists will be ceasing operations as it appears almost a certainty that Congress will vote to cease […]

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Health

Surgeon General Warns Mosquitoes Not to Bite Miley Cyrus

August 25, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

WASHINGTON, D.C.–United States Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy issued a statement today warning mosquitoes to avoid contact with singer/actress Miley Cyrus.  In recent months, mosquito communities across the nation have […]

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Health

Sean Hannity Diagnosed with Rare Form of Stupidity

August 17, 2015by Sal Kingfisher 2 Comments

NEW YORK CITY–Sean Hannity, host of the Fox News program Hannity, shocked his legions of fans today when he revealed that he has been diagnosed with an extremely rare and […]

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Health

Fucking Pussy Dies of Bird Flu

June 20, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Newport, Rhode Island–Dave Mariucci, a 26 year-old software engineer, died Friday, only one day after being diagnosed with avian influenza, commonly known as bird flu.  Sources close to Mariucci say […]

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Health

Doctor Astonished to Detect Intermittent Brain Activity in Michele Bachmann

April 22, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Bachmann was pretty surprised herself ST. PAUL, Minnesota–Dr. Kenneth Mason, a professor of neurology at the University of Minnesota School of Medicine, announced today that he has detected slight, intermittent […]

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Health

Controversial Therapy Transfers Homosexuality from Christians to Muslims

March 3, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

NORMAN, Oklahoma–Researchers at the University of Oklahoma announced today they have successfully developed an intense therapeutic regimen designed to free patients from the filthy homosexual lifestyle.  The study–funded by a […]

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Health

Bruce Jenner Completes Transition into Renee Zellwegger

February 9, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

HOLLYWOOD–Former Team USA track and field superstar and Olympic gold-medal winning decathlete Bruce Jenner announced today that her transition into Oscar-winning actress Renee Zellwegger is now complete.  Jenner went public […]

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Health

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  • Texas Governor Suggests Abortion Could Gain Support if it Were Performed by Shooting the Fetus
  • Investigation Reveals That I Fucked Your Mom
  • Lauren Boebert Says Colorado Gunman Fell One Kill Short of Earning Free Meal at Shooter's Grill
  • "Exploding Arm Syndrome" Completely Unrelated to COVID-19 Vaccine, says Pfizer Rep
  • Texas Pushes to Outlaw All Abortions Except in Cases Where Fetus Poses Threat to Mother and Father

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