AUSTIN, Texas—Earlier today Texas governor Greg Abbott told reporters he believes the state could easily change its wholesale opposition to abortion if there were a way to complete the procedure […]
NEW YORK–Following the latest incident in which a man’s arm exploded into a cloud of red mist immediately after receiving his second dose of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, Dawn Wells, […]
CARY, Wyoming–Nancy Maines, a 24 year-old project manager, is apparently experiencing a heavier than normal menstrual cycle this month, her colleague Josh Simon reports. Maines recently filed a grievance with […]
NEW YORK CITY–Marge Burns, a spokesman for Planned Parenthood, announced today the abortion specialists will be ceasing operations as it appears almost a certainty that Congress will vote to cease […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.–United States Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy issued a statement today warning mosquitoes to avoid contact with singer/actress Miley Cyrus. In recent months, mosquito communities across the nation have […]
NEW YORK CITY–Sean Hannity, host of the Fox News program Hannity, shocked his legions of fans today when he revealed that he has been diagnosed with an extremely rare and […]
Newport, Rhode Island–Dave Mariucci, a 26 year-old software engineer, died Friday, only one day after being diagnosed with avian influenza, commonly known as bird flu. Sources close to Mariucci say […]
Bachmann was pretty surprised herself ST. PAUL, Minnesota–Dr. Kenneth Mason, a professor of neurology at the University of Minnesota School of Medicine, announced today that he has detected slight, intermittent […]
NORMAN, Oklahoma–Researchers at the University of Oklahoma announced today they have successfully developed an intense therapeutic regimen designed to free patients from the filthy homosexual lifestyle. The study–funded by a […]
HOLLYWOOD–Former Team USA track and field superstar and Olympic gold-medal winning decathlete Bruce Jenner announced today that her transition into Oscar-winning actress Renee Zellwegger is now complete. Jenner went public […]
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