Critics Growing Impatient With God’s “Mysterious Ways”
“It’s like he thinks he’s Bono or something.” HEAVEN–Reports out of the eternal paradise echo earlier concerns that those closest to the Heavenly Father are beginning to grow weary of […]
Monthly Archives: January 2014
Two Decades Later, Cupid Still Haunted By Julia Roberts, Lyle Lovett Misfire
He plans to start a new fitness program either later this week or next week HOLLYWOOD–The first thing you notice upon entering the West Hollywood apartment is the filth. The […]
45 Year-Old Justin Bieber Arrives From the Future to Terminate Himself
He’s bringing sexy back MIAMI BEACH–A leathery, bloated, completely nude, 45 year-old Justin Bieber has emerged from a smoky crater outside the hotel where his present-day self is holed up after […]
Production on Star Wars Episode VII Halted Following Sudden Death of R2D2
His last public appearance HOLLYWOOD–Production on the latest sequel in the Star Wars franchise has been put on indefinite hiatus following the sudden, shocking death of R2D2, one of the […]
Super Model Marisa Miller Reveals Her Marriage is Result of Lost Super Bowl Bet
This is what can happen if you bet on the Seattle Seahawks HOLLYWOOD–Supermodel Marisa Miller knew, from the moment she first laid eyes on music producer Griffin Guess, that one […]
Obama To Appear in Beats By Dre Super Bowl Ad
WASHINGTON D.C.–White House Press Secretary Jay Carney fielded questions today regarding the growing controversy over President Obama’s participation in a commercial for Beats, the line of speakers and headphones produced […]
Unedited MLK “I Have a Dream” Speech Included References to Flying, Raquel Welch
“At one point in my dream, I was delivering this speech nude.” WASHINGTON D.C.–Noted Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. biographer Nicholas Stix revealed today that the speech King delivered during […]
Wilmer Valderrama Reviews Sex With Cameron Diaz
Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career. This week, Wilmer reviews Charlie’s Angel’s and […]
Oklahoma Lawmakers “Absolutely Charmed” By Proposed Satanic Statue
Teach your children well OKLAHOMA CITY–When Oklahoma Rep. Don Armes, R-Faxon, first heard that the New York-based Satanic Temple had proposed placing a satanic statue on the steps of the […]
Newborn Mortified to Learn Parents are Juggalos
Please God kill me now WINSTON, OH–Friends and family members confirm that three day-old newborn Madison Rogers was absolutely mortified when she emerged from her mother’s birth canal only to […]
