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Monthly Archives: January 2014

Critics Growing Impatient With God’s “Mysterious Ways”

January 27, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

“It’s like he thinks he’s Bono or something.” HEAVEN–Reports out of the eternal paradise echo earlier concerns that those closest to the Heavenly Father are beginning to grow weary of […]

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Religion

Two Decades Later, Cupid Still Haunted By Julia Roberts, Lyle Lovett Misfire

January 26, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

He plans to start a new fitness program either later this week or next week HOLLYWOOD–The first thing you notice upon entering the West Hollywood apartment is the filth.  The […]

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Lifestyle

45 Year-Old Justin Bieber Arrives From the Future to Terminate Himself

January 23, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

He’s bringing sexy back MIAMI BEACH–A leathery, bloated, completely nude, 45 year-old Justin Bieber has emerged from a smoky crater outside the hotel where his present-day self is holed up after […]

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Entertainment

Production on Star Wars Episode VII Halted Following Sudden Death of R2D2

January 21, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

His last public appearance HOLLYWOOD–Production on the latest sequel in the Star Wars franchise has been put on indefinite hiatus following the sudden, shocking death of R2D2, one of the […]

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Entertainment

Super Model Marisa Miller Reveals Her Marriage is Result of Lost Super Bowl Bet

January 21, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

This is what can happen if you bet on the Seattle Seahawks HOLLYWOOD–Supermodel Marisa Miller knew, from the moment she first laid eyes on music producer Griffin Guess, that one […]

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Sports

Obama To Appear in Beats By Dre Super Bowl Ad

January 21, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

WASHINGTON D.C.–White House Press Secretary Jay Carney fielded questions today regarding the growing controversy over President Obama’s participation in a commercial for Beats, the line of speakers and headphones produced […]

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Politics

Unedited MLK “I Have a Dream” Speech Included References to Flying, Raquel Welch

January 21, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

“At one point in my dream, I was delivering this speech nude.” WASHINGTON D.C.–Noted Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. biographer Nicholas Stix revealed today that the speech King delivered during […]

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History

Wilmer Valderrama Reviews Sex With Cameron Diaz

January 18, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career.  This week, Wilmer reviews Charlie’s Angel’s and […]

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Reviews

Oklahoma Lawmakers “Absolutely Charmed” By Proposed Satanic Statue

January 18, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Teach your children well OKLAHOMA CITY–When Oklahoma Rep. Don Armes, R-Faxon, first heard that the New York-based Satanic Temple had proposed placing a satanic statue on the steps of the […]

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Religion

Newborn Mortified to Learn Parents are Juggalos

January 10, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Please God kill me now WINSTON, OH–Friends and family members confirm that three day-old newborn Madison Rogers was absolutely mortified when she emerged from her mother’s birth canal only to […]

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Lifestyle

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  • Texas Governor Suggests Abortion Could Gain Support if it Were Performed by Shooting the Fetus
  • Investigation Reveals That I Fucked Your Mom
  • Lauren Boebert Says Colorado Gunman Fell One Kill Short of Earning Free Meal at Shooter's Grill
  • "Exploding Arm Syndrome" Completely Unrelated to COVID-19 Vaccine, says Pfizer Rep
  • Texas Pushes to Outlaw All Abortions Except in Cases Where Fetus Poses Threat to Mother and Father

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