This is what can happen if you bet on the Seattle Seahawks
HOLLYWOOD–Supermodel Marisa Miller knew, from the moment she first laid eyes on music producer Griffin Guess, that one day he would be her husband.
“I had made a bet on the Super Bowl with Miranda Kerr,” recalls Miller, “I took the Seahawks and the points, she had the Steelers, and the loser had to marry the biggest douche bag we saw that night. Shortly after Pittsburgh won the game 21-10, I saw Griffin. Right away I knew he was the one.”
Miller and Kerr, both of whom are Victoria’s Secret models, watched Super Bowl XL at a party attended by a number of celebrities. According to Kerr, before Guess arrived, the biggest douche bag in attendance was actor Ben Affleck, a major step up from the faux-hawk coiffed Guess.
“Marisa almost lucked out there,” says Kerr, “Ben Affleck, while a little bit douchey, is at least rich and handsome. She actually started to think she had made out quite well. You should have seen her disappointment when Griffin arrived!”
To this day Miller, an avid football fan and spokesmodel for the NFL, claims the officiating in Super Bowl XL is largely to blame for the direction her life has taken.
“We get called for an offensive pass interference that nullifies a touchdown?” she laments, “That never gets called. But in the biggest game of the season, and of my life, we lose six points. And to make it worse, later Pittsburgh is awarded a touchdown when Roethlisberger is clearly down short of the goal line. I tell you, Big Ben wasn’t the only rapist on the field that day. Bill Leavy and his crew raped the integrity of the game. And they screwed my future, to boot.”
Surprisingly, the lost bet on Super Bowl XL didn’t stop Miller from wagering on football. When the New York Giants played the New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI in 2012, Miller saw her chance to get out of the marriage.
“I proposed a kind of double or nothing bet to Miranda,” Miller says, “If the Patriots won, I could get a divorce. If the Giants won, not only did I have to remain married, but I also had to have a kid. I guess we all know what happened there. Thanks a fucking lot, Tom Brady. Now I’m married with a child and probably stuck for life. What did I learn from all this? Never bet on the god damn Seahawks.”