Doctor Clears Jets QB Geno Smith to Return to Sucking
NEW YORK CITY–New York Jets Head Coach Todd Bowles told reporters today the team’s terrible quarterback, Geno Smith, has been cleared to return to the team after rehabilitating a broken […]
Tag Archives: NFL
New England Patriots Accused of Leaving Fireworks Lying Around Giants Facility
NEW YORK CITY–The NFL is investigating allegations that New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has been sneaking into New York Giants team facilities and leaving dangerous fireworks lying around, […]
QB Guru Thinks Nonstop Masturbation to Blame for Tim Tebow’s Poor Throwing Motion
PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania–After working with Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Tim Tebow for more than a year, quarterback coach Tom House believes he has finally identified the reason the Heisman Trophy-winning play caller […]
Tom Brady’s Son Voted Most Likely to Succeed by Pre-Schoolmates
LOS ANGELES, California—Benjamin Brady, the six year-old son of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and supermodel Gisele Bundchen, has been voted Most Likely to Succeed by his classmates at […]
Tom Brady Sobs After Being Passed Over By Every Team in 2015 NFL Draft
BOSTON, Massachusetts–New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was reduced to tears after once again being passed over by all 32 teams in the 2015 NFL draft. The All-Pro four-time Super […]
Steelers Sign Roethlisberger to Protective Order
PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania–The Pittsburgh Steelers announced today that they have convinced star quarterback Ben Roethlisberger to sign a long term protective order that will keep him at least 500 feet away […]
NFL Quietly Removes Spouse-Dragging From Rookie Combine
But that was my best event INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana–NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell held a relatively low key press conference today to address this year’s rookie combine. Among the issues Goodell spoke […]
Buffalo Restaurant Workers Brace for Arrival of Rex Ryan
BUFFALO, New York–Newly hired Buffalo Bills head coach Rex Ryan’s economic impact is already being felt in this city of over 250,000 as area restaurants scramble to hire additional employees […]
Dallas Cowboys’ Season Ends on ‘Who Shot Jerry Jones?’ Cliffhanger
ARLINGTON, Texas–The Dallas Cowboys’ season ended last night in electrifying fashion, as an assailant obscured to viewing audiences entered owner Jerry Jones’ luxury box and shot the billionaire before fleeing […]
Teammates Praise Peyton Manning for Being “Exactly the Right Amount of White”
Manning is fearless when it comes to yelling at black teammates DENVER, Colorado–Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning made headlines again this week when he completely avoided controversy or criticism of […]
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