Sandusky calls prison “Way better than I expected.” FRANKLIN TOWNSHIP, PA—When 14 year-old Joey Patrick found out earlier this year that the cancer he had struggled with for the last […]
MIAMI, Florida–Evidence continues to mount that the driver of the vehicle just up ahead must think he’s the only motorist on the goddamned road, according to a source at the scene. […]
So majestic BLOOMINGTON, Minnesota–Noted animal rights activist Jasmin Willowtree said today that while she stands by her view that big-game trophy hunting is a cruel and selfish practice, she was […]
NEW YORK CITY–In an effort to increase membership and an eye toward modernization, the Girl Scouts of the United States of America will soon begin allowing girls to complete many […]
HEAVEN–Saying He realizes it sounds a little shallow and immature, Jesus admitted today that having His birthday fall on Christmas is a bit of a bummer. “It’s like you only […]
He’s coming for you! WICHITA, Kansas–The Center for Parental Discipline announced this week that suspended Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson has been named the new Boogeyman and will be […]
DEERFIELD, Illinois–Across the nation, sixth-graders are feeling a combination of nervousness and excitement as they prepare for the traditional Day of Decision,on which they will announce their chosen sexual orientation. […]
Kevin Bacon brings out the worst in people GEYSER SPRINGS, IN—32-year-old conjoined twins Frieda and Cookie Jenkins reported that their relationship became somewhat uncomfortable last Saturday night following a viewing […]
“This is how I’ll always remember Jeff” ST. LOUIS–Friends and family of Jeff Moore gathered to share memories and anecdotes about the former musician today. Moore, 45, who was found […]
He plans to start a new fitness program either later this week or next week HOLLYWOOD–The first thing you notice upon entering the West Hollywood apartment is the filth. The […]
