Evidence Suggests Motorist Up Ahead Thinks He’s the Only One on the Goddamned Road

MIAMI, Florida–Evidence continues to mount that the driver of the vehicle just up ahead must think he’s the only motorist on the goddamned road, according to a source at the scene.  It also appears highly likely that the cocksucking asshole could use some fucking driving lessons.

“Look at that piece of shit,” the source says, “He’s been riding his brakes for five miles.  And I guarantee you he’s talking on his phone.  And listening to Florida Georgia Line or some bullshit.”

The source confirms that the motherfucker has driven right in the middle of the goddamned road, making it impossible for anyone to get around him.  He also appears to be wearing a fedora.

“Can you believe this hipster douche bag?” the source reports, “I’d lay on my horn but these days you never know who might have a gun in their vehicle.  I’m not gonna get my ass shot because some fuckwad thinks the world revolves around him.”

“People these days, they feel so entitled,” he continues, “It’s like this asswipe, thinking it’s his right to take up the whole road, probably text-messaging, not a care in the goddamn world.  COME ON YOU COCKSUCKER GET OFF THE MOTHERFUCKING ROAD!”

According to the source, it all goes to show you the direction this country is heading in.

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