Investigation Reveals That I Fucked Your Mom
TULSA, Oklahoma—Following a brief investigation, officials say they have uncovered overwhelming evidence that proves that I fucked your mom last night. Citing my intimate knowledge of her ass that is […]
Tag Archives: Satire
Lauren Boebert Says Colorado Gunman Fell One Kill Short of Earning Free Meal at Shooter’s Grill
BOULDER, Colorado–Rep. Lauren Boebert condemned the actions of a man who opened fire at a King Soopers grocery store on Monday, killing ten. “It’s such and act of cowardice to […]
“Exploding Arm Syndrome” Completely Unrelated to COVID-19 Vaccine, says Pfizer Rep
NEW YORK–Following the latest incident in which a man’s arm exploded into a cloud of red mist immediately after receiving his second dose of the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, Dawn Wells, […]
Texas Pushes to Outlaw All Abortions Except in Cases Where Fetus Poses Threat to Mother and Father
AUSTIN, Texas–State Sen. Bryan Hughes (R) announced this week that he and fellow lawmakers have agreed to ease some elements of the proposed “heartbeat bill” that bars abortions in almost […]
Doctors Now Say Some Moderate Shaking Can Be Good for Babies
LONDON–Dr. Kal Memon at the CHI Saint Lawrence Pediatric Research Hospital said this week that recent research has shown that developing babies can reap great benefits from light to moderate […]
Thoughts and Prayers Most Effective as Preventive Measure, God Says
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah–Speaking today at the Favored Children’s Conference at Brigham Young University, Our Heavenly Father shed light on a topic that has been heavily debated over the past […]
Experts Say Intense Bullying Still Best Way to Unlock Telekinetic Abilities
LANDOVER, Maryland–Dr. Theodore Jennings, a behavioral psychology researcher at the King-White Institute, has authored a report showing that sustained, dehumanizing childhood bullying is still the best and most effective way […]
BWN Exclusive: Interview with Donald Trump and Excerpt from his Upcoming Memoir, Trump Change: The Greatest Presidency of All Time
We spoke with former President Donald Trump about his legacy, life after the presidency, and his soon to be released fictional memoir, Trump Change: The Greatest Presidency of all Time. […]
Super Bowl LV Point Spread Widens to 7.5 after God Places $500 bet on Kansas City
LAS VEGAS–Following days of the point spread for Super Bowl LV staying firmly at 3 points, mostly on the strength of a surge of support for the Tom Brady-led Tampa […]
CDC Computer Model Suggests Entire Town of Mayberry would have Succumbed to COVID-19
(ATLANTA, GA)–Dr. Inger Damon with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced earlier today that recent computer models warn of a new surge of COVID-19 variants, and that if […]
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