TULSA, Oklahoma—Following a brief investigation, officials say they have uncovered overwhelming evidence that proves that I fucked your mom last night.

Citing my intimate knowledge of her ass that is so big that it needs its own zip code, the investigators say they can now confirm that I fucked your mom on several other occasions as well.

“The findings are a little surprising,” said one official, “because this individual who fucked your mom isn’t usually into fat chicks.”

The investigators withheld comment as to whether your mom plays the skin flute like the pied piper, although I can confirm that is the case.