Poorly-Written Suicide Note Fails To Engage Readers
Experts suggest adding images and links, along with proper key word placement DEL BOCA VISTA, FL–Friends and family are still stunned following the death of Nathan Thomas, a 22 year-old […]
Monthly Archives: August 2013
Film Critic Lucky Steven Seagal Doesn’t Know What Corpulent Means
Confucius says, ‘Never leave a donut untouched’ HOLLYWOOD–When film critic Peter Falconer met action star Steven Seagal at the popular Los Angeles eatery, Ernesto’s, he was nervous that the actor […]
Zookeepers Frustrated By Kinky Panda That Will Only Ejaculate on Mate’s Back
Sometimes he just glazes the whole room CHICAGO–Excitement has turned to frustration at the Chicago Zoo, as officials who had hoped the zoo’s lone female panda bear, Muffin, would successfully […]
Key to Johnny Manziel’s Pay For Autogragh Defense Will Be That QB Can’t Read or Write
The poor, illiterate idiot couldn’t read the “Players Only” sign COLLEGE STATION, TX–As more and more evidence emerges implicating Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel, who won the Heisman Trophy after […]
This Day in History: 20 Years Ago An Insane George Lucas Vowed to Destroy His Star Wars Franchise
Step One: This Nightmare August 5, 1993–A decade had passed since Return of the Jedi, the final film in George Lucas’ influential and wildly successful Star Wars trilogy, and for […]
G.M. Jerry Jones Named Dallas Cowboys Employee of the Month 288th Consecutive Time
The Cowboys owner led the applause as G.M. Jones was announced as Employee of the Month ARLINGTON, TX–In a quiet ceremony attended by the entire Dallas Cowboys organization, team General […]
Homeless Man Can’t Believe He’s Fucking Meg Ryan
Lucky guy? HOLLYWOOD–When 58 year-old Homer Allman was at his lowest point, he never dreamed he would feel anything but shame and misery when describing himself to others. Ten years […]
Scientists Discover That We Are All Living Inside the Mind of Autistic Child
The lord our god ARKANSAS CITY, KS—Scientists at Cowley County Community College published the results of a study this week, which they say proves that the world we are living […]
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