Lucky guy?

HOLLYWOOD–When 58 year-old Homer Allman was at his lowest point, he never dreamed he would feel anything but shame and misery when describing himself to others.  Ten years ago, having lost his wife to divorce and his job due to a crippling meth addiction, Allman spent his first night living on the street.  He’s never left.  Most days, when he’s not giving back alley hand jobs for a quick buck, Allman struggles to find the necessary medications to treat his Hepatitis-C, but on this day, the filthy hobo couldn’t be happier.

“Are you seeing this?” an ecstatic Allman asks as he’s lying naked atop actress Meg Ryan, “This is the best day of my life!  I’m balls deep in Meg Ryan!”

Allman says he met the former box office star outside the Starbucks behind which they are currently engaged in intercourse in broad daylight.

“I just asked her for some spare change,” Allman says, “Then I recognized her and told her I really loved Sleepless in Seattle.  She cried a little bit, for some reason, and then she just pulled her top off.  Next thing you know, here we are.”

Ryan, the 51 year-old formerly attractive star of Top Gun and When Harry Met Sally, has seen her career founder in recent years, mostly due to her advanced age and reliance on less than talented plastic surgeons in trying to retain her looks.  But Allman says he doesn’t care what she looks like.

“Hell, usually I’m doing this with one of the other hobos,”  Allman says, “And if it’s one of the boys, I end up on bottom.  So, this could have been Rosie O’Donnell and still been a step up.”

Allman asks several passers-by to snap photos for the sake of posterity, then goes right back to pumping away on Miss Ryan.

“I don’t think the plastic surgery looks too bad,” Allman says, “But then again, I am nailing her doggie style, so I don’t have to see her face.  Man, I just can’t believe I’m fucking Meg Ryan.”