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Monthly Archives: April 2015

Tom Brady Sobs After Being Passed Over By Every Team in 2015 NFL Draft

April 30, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

BOSTON, Massachusetts–New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was reduced to tears after once again being passed over by all 32 teams in the 2015 NFL draft.  The All-Pro four-time Super […]

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Sports

Supreme Court To Hear Desperate Pleas of 6 Million Americans Born Between 1940 and 1945

April 28, 2015by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

Desperately pleading By Victor Miller BWN Special Correspondent WASHINGTON, D.C.–In a rare show of clemency, The Supremes agreed to hear the sons and daughters of The Greatest Generation’s argument for […]

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Legal

Wilmer Valderrama Reviews Sex With Scarlett Johansson

April 28, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career.  This week, Wilmer reviews The Avengers: Age […]

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Reviews

Harley Davidson Recalls Nearly One Million Motorcycle Riders

April 24, 2015by Sal Kingfisher 69 Comments

MILWAUKEE, Wisconson–Harley Davidson CEO Keith Wandell announced today that the popular American motorcycle manufacturer has issued a nationwide recall of nearly a million riders of its popular motorcycles.  Wandell said […]

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Business

USDA Labels Kardashians an Invasive Species After Specimens Discovered in Florida and New York

April 24, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

WASHINGTON, D.C.–The United States Department of Agriculture has classified the Kardashian family as an invasive species after specimens of the non-native bipedal hominid were discovered in Southern Florida and New […]

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Agriculture

Rolling Stones Inducted Into Museum of Natural History

April 23, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

LONDON–Legendary rockers The Rolling Stones received possibly the band’s highest honor when it was announced that they would go on permanent display at London’s Natural History Museum.  The members of […]

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Entertainment

Doctor Astonished to Detect Intermittent Brain Activity in Michele Bachmann

April 22, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Bachmann was pretty surprised herself ST. PAUL, Minnesota–Dr. Kenneth Mason, a professor of neurology at the University of Minnesota School of Medicine, announced today that he has detected slight, intermittent […]

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Health

Tiger Woods “Has His Fire Back” Report Local Prostitutes

April 7, 2015by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

JUPITER ISLAND, Florida–After several seasons of sub-par performances and pushing through various physical ailments, PGA superstar Tiger Woods is finally regaining his form and performing like a much younger man, […]

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Sports

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  • Texas Governor Suggests Abortion Could Gain Support if it Were Performed by Shooting the Fetus
  • Investigation Reveals That I Fucked Your Mom
  • Lauren Boebert Says Colorado Gunman Fell One Kill Short of Earning Free Meal at Shooter's Grill
  • "Exploding Arm Syndrome" Completely Unrelated to COVID-19 Vaccine, says Pfizer Rep
  • Texas Pushes to Outlaw All Abortions Except in Cases Where Fetus Poses Threat to Mother and Father

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