JUPITER ISLAND, Florida–After several seasons of sub-par performances and pushing through various physical ailments, PGA superstar Tiger Woods is finally regaining his form and performing like a much younger man, according to several local prostitutes.
“He definitely has his fire back,” says Cookie, a dancer at Sensations, a local club, “He approaches every hole with the enthusiasm of a much younger version of himself. And he’s not letting a couple extra strokes here and there get him down.”
Some observers have speculated whether Woods’s resurgence is due to pharmaceutical enhancements, but those closest to him dismiss such accusations.
“Tiger is a beast, all natural. He may be a little older, but his physical gifts are amazing,” says Mercedes, who works the corner of Broadway and First, “He’s been working on his stamina, so he’s just as strong at the end of a round as when he’s on the first hole.”
“I’ve seen him run through 36 holes in an afternoon, and be smiling at the end, ready for more,” she adds.
Still, there are many who question whether Woods can keep it up throughout the season. According to Cookie, any doubters will soon be in for a pleasant surprise.
“Just watching him swing will take your breath away,” she says, “And when he pulls out that putter, it’s like the hole’s as big as the ocean to him. The old Tiger is back, on the prowl.”