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Monthly Archives: December 2014

Congress Passes Bill Changing Pronunciation of W

December 24, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

WASHINGTON, D.C.–The U.S. Senate narrowly passed a bill to change the pronunciation of the letter W.  Traditionally pronounced ‘double-you’, the new pronunciation, should the president sign the bill into law, […]

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Politics

Jesus Bummed Birthday Falls on Same Day as Christmas

December 24, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

HEAVEN–Saying He realizes it sounds a little shallow and immature, Jesus admitted today that having His birthday fall on Christmas is a bit of a bummer. “It’s like you only […]

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Lifestyle

Phone Talks Between Obama and Putin Go Nowhere Due to Unforeseen Language Barrier

December 22, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Phone talks between President Barack Obama and Russian President Vladimir Putin broke down when the two leaders discovered that they were completely unable to understand one another. Obama made […]

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World

Elf on a Shelf Embedded with ISIS Files Scathing Report

December 22, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Willie has had a hard time dealing with the experience NORTH POLE–Nervous and withdrawn, Willie, an Elf on a Shelf who was assigned to watch and report on the behavior […]

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World

Dallas Cowboys’ Season Ends on ‘Who Shot Jerry Jones?’ Cliffhanger

December 22, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

ARLINGTON, Texas–The Dallas Cowboys’ season ended last night in electrifying fashion, as an assailant obscured to viewing audiences entered owner Jerry Jones’ luxury box and shot the billionaire before fleeing […]

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Sports

Virgin Mary’s Image Appears on Painting of Virgin Mary

December 22, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Can you see it? NEW JORDAN, Georgia–Hailing it a miracle, hundreds of visitors are flocking to this rural community to visit the New Jordan Baptist Church, where members claim the […]

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Religion

Kim Jong Un Talks Relationships, Sony Hackers

December 17, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea) Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un sat down with BWN foreign correspondent Stark Majors for a rare interview to discuss a range of topics, […]

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World

Weird Shaped Cranium All That’s Keeping LeBron James From Shaving Head

December 17, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

CLEVELAND, Ohio–Cleveland Cavaliers star forward LeBron James said today that he would love to just go ahead and shave his head entirely bald, but his oddly-shaped skull makes that almost […]

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Sports

This Day in History: 58 Years Ago 15 Year Old Dick Cheney Killed His First Stray Dog

December 17, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 3 Comments

December 17, 1956–On this date Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney graduated from torturing and killing insects and small rodents–and the occasional kitten–to a fully grown Labrador Retriever named Jake, embarking on […]

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History

Third Muppet Accuses Frank Oz of Sexual Assault

December 12, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

Caught in the act? LOS ANGELES–Frederick J. Sorenstein, who for nearly 40 years has played the role of Fozzie Bear on The Muppet Show and a dozen Muppet-focused motion pictures, […]

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  • Texas Governor Suggests Abortion Could Gain Support if it Were Performed by Shooting the Fetus
  • Investigation Reveals That I Fucked Your Mom
  • Lauren Boebert Says Colorado Gunman Fell One Kill Short of Earning Free Meal at Shooter's Grill
  • "Exploding Arm Syndrome" Completely Unrelated to COVID-19 Vaccine, says Pfizer Rep
  • Texas Pushes to Outlaw All Abortions Except in Cases Where Fetus Poses Threat to Mother and Father

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