December 17, 1956–On this date Richard Bruce “Dick” Cheney graduated from torturing and killing insects and small rodents–and the occasional kitten–to a fully grown Labrador Retriever named Jake, embarking on a lifelong love of torture and death that would eventually lead him to the Vice-Presidency of the United States.

“Not only did Dick like killing, he was extremely good at it,” recalls childhood friend Buddy Harmon, “But not good like a slaughterhouse worker, where it’s painless.  He was good at making it as painful as possible.  It was a gift.”

Cheney found the act of torturing and killing Jake so fulfilling that the 15 year-old got his first job at the local pound, where he became proficient at euthanizing the animals.

“We didn’t have drugs or anything fancy,” Cheney recalls “Just a baseball bat.  But it was effective.  That’s always been my motto. ‘Whatever it takes to get the job done.’  I was always walking around covered in blood.  But I got my job done.”

Cheney eventually discovered that his crazy-eyed, blood spattered appearance was also effective in persuading others to agree with his ideas and work for him.  Unlike most psychopaths, Cheney drew as much pleasure from having others torture and kill for him as doing the work himself.  It was this unique perspective that drove him to achieve such incredible successes in his life.

“I’ve mostly been able to control my blood lust,” Cheney laughs, “I had that little backslide while hunting a few years back, but other than that, I’m more than happy to let our boys in uniform do my evil bidding.”