Now I don’t have to close my eyes to imagine you’re Brad Pitt

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Within hours of President Obama signing into law the controversial “Right to Race” bill, which grants individuals the right to choose their own ethnicity, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People reported that its membership dropped by nearly 99% as millions of minorities rushed to become white.  NAACP spokesman Jerald Turner said the advocacy group is considering changing its moniker in an effort to rebuild its numbers.

“We’re thinking it may be necessary to change the “C” to a “T”, for tan,” Turner said, “Everyone loves a good tan, especially white people.  I mean my people.”

While some have lauded the resurgence in white population numbers, others have expressed skepticism, notably outspoken former-Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, who said, while he welcomed all the new white people, he questioned their motives.

“It’s troubling to me that so many people are suddenly white, without putting in the time and effort the rest of us had to,” Huckabee said, “And I’m also concerned about the sudden increase in white poverty numbers.”

Law enforcement agencies across the nation have lauded the new law, however, and note that instances in which white officers shoot and kill black suspects have nearly disappeared entirely.

“I’m so encouraged to see such a drop in race-based shootings,” said Commander Will Sterling of the National Fraternal Order of Police Commissioners, “Although we have seen a sharp increase in officers gunning down poor people.”