Smearcase celebrates his freedom

By Victor Miller

BWN Special Correspondent

Barnferrous, N.M.–“I did what any other sane American would have done in my place,” testified Arnold “Arnie” Smearcase when cross examined by D.A. Bronson Aronson. “The bastard parked in front of my house for 17 hours and 26 minutes and I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“Do you own the parking space in front of your home?” queried the D.A.

“Of course not,” replied Smearcase. “But everybody in my town knows you don’t park in front of another man’s house for more than an hour…max! What the frick would happen to any neighborhood if people just parked willy nilly? You’d have anarchy and if not anarchy, you’d have chaos. They teach that in Social Studies. At least they used to.”

Smearcase does not contest that after almost 18 hours of “unforgiveable intrusion in my personal space” he could do naught else but set fire to the Toyota Camry belonging to Carlyle Farne, a visitor at the home next to Smearcase’s 1849 Italianate Victorian home on West Westover in the town of Barnferrous, New Mexico. When Farne, who had been pressing his suit at the home of Miss Glynda Questor, saw his auto aflame, he ran out to try to extinguish the fire.

“I saw the little bastard running out with like this kitchen fire extinguisher and I guess I just kinda saw red and let him have it with a round from my licensed personal home protection weapon which I keep in an approved lock-box in the foyer”, testified the accused. “Nobody in his right mind could blame me.”

Judge Earnest Limon nodded as the defendant admitted he’d committed arson and homicide. “I have been there myself, The Honorable Limon confessed. Not all laws are written and codified. Some are just just because they are just. Case dismissed.”

D.A. Aronson is appealing to a higher court.

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