Teach your children well

OKLAHOMA CITY–When Oklahoma Rep. Don Armes, R-Faxon, first heard that the New York-based Satanic Temple had proposed placing a satanic statue on the steps of the state capitol building, he was appalled.

“This is the heartland,” Armes says, “We are a deeply religious people.  Cults like Muslims and Buddhists and Satanists are generally not welcome here.”

Like most Oklahoma lawmakers, Armes spoke out vehemently against the idea of the statue, which the Satanic Temple argued was just as appropriate as a monument to the Ten Commandments that the state legislature had approved in 2012.  But that was before he saw an artist rendering of the proposed statue.

“As a Christian, I have always been taught to detest Satan,” Armes explains, “And anything non-Christian, for that matter.  But, to tell the truth, the pictures I seen of that Satanic monument were downright darling!”

The proposed seven-foot statue features the winged, goat-headed Satanic figure, Baphomet, seated on a throne with two young children at his side.

“The imagery is striking,” says Rep. Earl Sears, R-Bartlesville, “It really establishes Satan’s role as a teacher.  You get a deeper understanding as to why kids these days seem to be turning more and more to a hedonistic lifestyle.  Satan just oozes charisma!”

Still, both Sears and Armes admit that the Satanic Temple faces a long road before the statue is unveiled at the Capitol.  But they vow to fight until it happens.

“I’ve been accused of being small-minded in the past,” says Armes, “But I believe that fact that I have changed my views on this monument is proof that I am open to all sorts of things.  Before you know it, I’ll have black and Mexican friends and be supporting women’s causes.”

“The Lord works in mysterious ways,” adds Sears, “And so does Satan.  Everyone who has seen the statue has been absolutely charmed.  Now I just have to convince my constituents that a statue of Satan belongs at the Capitol.”