BELLVILLE, Illinois–ACME Corporation CEO Latran Ferrell announced today a nationwide recall on ACME Bullshit Detectors that will affect nearly 100 million customers. Ferrell said the recall will affect all BS 1000 models manufactured after June of 2015.
“We weren’t initially aware that the models were malfunctioning,” Ferrell said, “I actually own one myself. But I was watching the news and saw an interview with Sarah Palin followed by an entertainment piece on director Spike Lee and the needle on my bullshit detector didn’t move even once. I took it in to have it checked out, and sure enough it had malfunctioned.”
Ferrell said ACME engineers began investigating further after receiving reports that not one bullshit detector registered a single reading during a recent Donald Trump campaign rally.
“Then I saw a televised White House news conference,” Ferrell said, “Usually there is low hum you can hear that is coming from the reporters’ bullshit detectors as they detect the constant stream of bullshit. But this time you couldn’t hear a thing.”
ACME discovered that every affected model of that particular bullshit detector had suffered a total system breakdown and was unable to detect bullshit at any level. Engineers discovered that a new capacitor that had been manufactured in China became overloaded by the massive amounts of bullshit that has inundated American media and politics, causing the failure.
“We’re testing a new model that we hope can perform under a constant stream of bullshit,” Ferrell said, “We have BS 1001 models following Ted Cruz, Hillary Clinton, Al Sharpton, Bill O’Reilly and rapper Kanye West. If they can perform under those conditions, then we’ll have them on the market by fall.”