Can you speak up? I have shit in my ears.

MARYVILLE, Arkansas—GOP presidential hopeful and former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee visited Miss Cynthia Parker’s first grade art class at Maryville Elementary School today, where he reportedly left the entire class in awe when he displayed his own impressive artistic talent by drawing a remarkably detailed likeness of the inside of his own rectum from nothing more than memory.

“It was pretty amazing,” gushed Parker, “I’m in my classroom every day, but I don’t think I could do as beautiful a job as Governor Huckabee did on his interior posterior. It’s obvious he spends a lot of time there.”

Huckabee continued amusing the students with a series of card tricks in which he somehow removed all spades and queens from a deck of cards. But the students couldn’t stop chattering about the incredible artistic display.

“I don’t know how he did it,” said six year-old Mark Morris, “It’s like no matter what he’s looking at, all he sees is the inside of his asshole. My mom says that’s probably why any time he opens his mouth shit comes out.”