Doctor Clears Jets QB Geno Smith to Return to Sucking
NEW YORK CITY–New York Jets Head Coach Todd Bowles told reporters today the team’s terrible quarterback, Geno Smith, has been cleared to return to the team after rehabilitating a broken […]
Tag Archives: Parody
Eskimo Kind of Glad Global Warming Wiping Out Polar Bears
ST. LAWRENCE ISLAND, Alaska–David Carnak, a Yupik tribesman who has lived his entire life in this Arctic village, reported today that while he is concerned by the potential long-term environmental […]
New England Patriots Accused of Leaving Fireworks Lying Around Giants Facility
NEW YORK CITY–The NFL is investigating allegations that New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick has been sneaking into New York Giants team facilities and leaving dangerous fireworks lying around, […]
Planned Parenthood to Hold Going-Out-of-Business Abortion Blowout Sale
NEW YORK CITY–Marge Burns, a spokesman for Planned Parenthood, announced today the abortion specialists will be ceasing operations as it appears almost a certainty that Congress will vote to cease […]
Man Unaware Wife Went to Bitch School
BOWMAN, Montana–Newly married Shane Dotson, 27, says he was surprised to learn that his wife, Misty, had kept secret certain elements of her academic background. Dotson, who graduated from Montana […]
Embarrassed Obama Unable to Correctly Recall Number of Americans He’s Had Killed
WASHINGTON, D.C.–President Barack Obama drew laughter today when he became embarrassed after forgetting the exact number of successful drone strikes he’s ordered against American citizens. “Thirty-one? Wait, no, thirty-two, I […]
ACME Corp. Issues Nationwide Recall of Bullshit Detectors
BELLVILLE, Illinois–ACME Corporation CEO Latran Ferrell announced today a nationwide recall on ACME Bullshit Detectors that will affect nearly 100 million customers. Ferrell said the recall will affect all BS […]
Former Aide Claims Trump Campaign a Wacky Scheme to Collect Inheritance from Rich Uncle
NEW YORK CITY–Tom Jennings, a former aide to Donald Trump, claims he was fired from the GOP presidential candidate’s campaign because he failed to lose enough money. But that’s not […]
Evidence Suggests Motorist Up Ahead Thinks He’s the Only One on the Goddamned Road
MIAMI, Florida–Evidence continues to mount that the driver of the vehicle just up ahead must think he’s the only motorist on the goddamned road, according to a source at the scene. […]
Surgeon General Warns Mosquitoes Not to Bite Miley Cyrus
WASHINGTON, D.C.–United States Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy issued a statement today warning mosquitoes to avoid contact with singer/actress Miley Cyrus. In recent months, mosquito communities across the nation have […]
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