Could you call my wife?
WASHINGTON, D.C.–Witnesses reported seeing President Barack Obama nervously strolling alone down Pennsylvania Avenue earlier today, apparently searching for his Secret Service detail, which was nowhere in sight.
“The president was looking all over the place,” noted Sally Higgins, who was visiting the Capitol from Vermont, “He was yelling ‘Hey, you guys! This isn’t funny anymore!’ He looked pretty worried.”
Sources inside the White House confirm that the president has lost sight of his Secret Service detail on “no more than a couple of dozen” occasions prior to today. Experts say it isn’t uncommon for Secret Service agents to grow tired of protecting sitting presidents, especially those who serve a second term, but that the malaise usually sets in during the final year in office.
“The prevailing attitude has traditionally been ‘Hey, if someone were going to take a shot at the president, it would have happened before now,” said presidential historian Lief Rutgers, “But that usually doesn’t happen until the last five or six months of a second term. It is somewhat unique for it to happen so early and often to President Obama.”
White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest assured reporters that the president made it back to the White House in perfect health, although he implied that there may be a certain Secret Service detail in a little trouble tonight.
“The president was a little hot under the collar, as you can imagine,” said Earnest, “I think he was actually hot all over, from how covered in sweat he was. I’d hate to be those Secret Service guys if he ever finds them.”