Texas Town Quarantines All Librarians Amid Ebola Fears
CHESTER, Texas–Residents in this sleepy east Texas community have taken it on themselves to stop the deadly Ebola virus from invading the city limits. Despite no one displaying any symptoms […]
Tag Archives: Satire
Wilmer Valderrama Reviews Sex with Amy Schumer
Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career. This week, Wilmer reviews comedian and star […]
Nation’s Parents Name Adrian Peterson New Boogeyman
He’s coming for you! WICHITA, Kansas–The Center for Parental Discipline announced this week that suspended Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson has been named the new Boogeyman and will be […]
Man Cries Foul After Buying Ebola Suit Made From Ebola
Personalized apron included BROOK CITY, Louisiana–David Canter thought he had a sure-fire legal case against Turnco Products. But that was before he read the fine print. The 35 year-old freelance […]
McDonald’s Introduces 99-Cent, Bio-Degradable, Big Mac
Have it your finger-lickin way OAK BROOK, Illinois–In an effort to remain viable in the ultra-competitive fast food industry, McDonald’s Corporation announced today that it is offering its popular Big […]
Nation’s Men Devastated After Justin Bieber Bench Presses 450 Pounds
Bieber after a recent professional boxing match HOLLYWOOD, Florida–Grown men across the nation and around the world were shocked and inconsolable earlier this week when video emerged showing bad boy […]
Rosie O’Donnell on The View: ‘I’m a Woman Living in a Man’s Body’
And that man is a heavyweight boxer HOLLYWOOD, Calif.–In her first week back on the television talk show, The View, comedienne Rosie O’Donnell made a heartfelt announcement that left nary […]
After 30 Years, Scientology Cures John Travolta of Homosexuality
Travolta proving how straight he is HOLLYWOOD, Calif.–Noted pilot and movie actor John Travolta addressed for the first time longstanding rumors that he has engaged in numerous long-term homosexual affairs […]
CIA Chief Denies Agency Uses Tickle Torture
Hi! WASHINGTON, D.C.–CIA Director John Brennan testified before congress today to address the recent allegations that the espionage agency has used illegal interrogation techniques when questioning terror suspects. Brennan […]
Nation’s Sixth-Graders Prepare to Choose Sexual Orientation
DEERFIELD, Illinois–Across the nation, sixth-graders are feeling a combination of nervousness and excitement as they prepare for the traditional Day of Decision,on which they will announce their chosen sexual orientation. […]
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