Texas Town Quarantines All Librarians Amid Ebola Fears


CHESTER, Texas–Residents in this sleepy east Texas community have taken it on themselves to stop the deadly Ebola virus from invading the city limits.  Despite no one displaying any symptoms of illness, town leaders have forcibly quarantined all the librarians inside the Chester Public Library.  Mayor Clay Henry said the move was made strictly as a precaution.

“When word got out that it was librarians who were spreading this Ebola, we decided to take action,” Henry explained, “It was either that or wait for the federal government.  Do you think Barack Obama gives a rat’s ass about Chester?  I’ll answer that for you; neither do we.”

Henry admitted that no one in the town of 1,200 has any medical training or reason to believe the librarians might be infected.  He even confirmed that no one in Chester is really sure what the symptoms of Ebola might be, or how long the library workers should remain in quarantine.

“You’d have to go on the internet to look that up,” Henry said, “And the only internet in town is in the library.”

Henry said he met with the Chester city council just hours after news broke that a man in Dallas was diagnosed with Ebola.  Shortly after the meeting, the police department locked the town’s three library staff members inside the Chester Public library, where they’ve remained ever since.

“We heard the fella in Dallas was a librarian, and the first thought is, ‘we’ve got three of them right here in Chester’,” Henry recalled, “So you have to do what it takes to keep your family safe by nipping this thing in the bud.”

“The only good thing is the librarians they’s showing on the news is all been blacks,” Henry added, “Well they ain’t no black folks in Chester.  We’re a good, decent town.  The way I see it, we’ve got half the battle already won.”

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