Famed Director Accepts Anne Hathaway’s Offer To Kill Herself For a Role In His Upcoming Film

HOLLYWOOD—Paul Thomas Anderson, celebrated director of There Will Be Blood and The Master, says he will be happy to add a scene for his upcoming film if Oscar winner Anne Hathaway makes good on her promise to die in order to take part in the project.

“I saw an interview in which Anne said she would die to be in one of my films,” Anderson says, “So I thought, ‘that could be interesting.’”

Hathaway, who earlier this year was awarded an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in the film adaptation of Les Miserables, proclaimed to a pool of reporters that she would absolutely die for the chance to appear in a film directed by Anderson, whose acclaimed works also includes Boogie Nights.

“Her actual death would add a lot to the production,” Anderson gushes, “There are so many ways to go about it. Whether by car crash or jumping off a building. You can’t help but think of the money you could save by not having to include special effects. We’re working on getting her signed to the deal immediately.”

Hathaway’s representatives have been peculiarly silent on the matter, aside from a statement explaining that she is currently exploring her options before taking on her next project. For his part, Anderson has enthusiastically embraced the notion of her involvement.

“I think it would be a statement to her commitment to her craft,” Anderson says, “After witnessing Daniel Day Lewis literally bludgeon several extras to death while filming There Will Be Blood, I thought I had seen it all as a director. But this could be even more spectacular.”

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