Santa Claus Mistakenly Delivers Assault Rifles, Ammunition to Bullied, White Suburban High Schooler

It’s just what I wanted!

WHITE HILLS, MD–North Pole officials are blaming a clerical error for the accidental delivery of a cache of weapons and over 10,000 rounds of ammunition to a 15 year-old boy who has recently taken to social media to accuse several of his classmates of bullying.  Many of the posts Nathan Davis, a sophomore at White Hills High School, has written on his Facebook account also contain veiled threats to several members of the school’s football team.

“These things happen sometimes,” says Lateisha Morgan, North Pole Press Secretary, “With nearly a billion Christian children on this planet, mistakes can occur.  Nathan actually had requested the new Call of Duty, so it was an honest mistake, for sure.”

Mark Davis, Nathan’s father, says he was shocked to see the enormous stockpile of weapons surrounding the tree when he awoke on Christmas morning.

“My living room looked like an eighties-era Schwarzenegger flick,” Davis says, “Remember Commando?  When he opens his gun safe?  We had double the firepower as that.”

Ironically, after the initial surprise, the Davis family has come to see the assault rifles as a blessing.

“Nathan had been feeling pretty depressed,” Mark says, “Some of the guys at school have been giving him a hard time recently.  Having these guns really gives him a sense of self-worth.  His eyes really lit up.”

Santa Claus was unavailable for comment, although he did release a statement in which he expressed his regret at the mix-up.

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