Study: No One Gives a Shit About Your Problems
Better you than me LAWRENCE, Kansas–A recent study conducted at the University of Kansas found that no one gives a living shit about your fucking problems. The study, for which […]
Tag Archives: Funny
Car Dealer Commited to Asylum After Insane Markdowns
The outfit didn’t help MALLORY, Michigan–Authorities were called to a local auto dealership earlier today when owner Doug Anderson began displaying increasingly erratic behavior while filming a new commercial. Anderson, […]
Teammates Praise Peyton Manning for Being “Exactly the Right Amount of White”
Manning is fearless when it comes to yelling at black teammates DENVER, Colorado–Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning made headlines again this week when he completely avoided controversy or criticism of […]
Obama Pledges $10 Billion for VA Crematoriums
Well take care of you WASHINGTON, D.C.–As the U.S. prepares to honor its military veterans and service members on the annual Veterans Day holiday celebration, President Obama promised to spend […]
Francis Burkham, First Blind Major League Baseball Umpire, Dead at 88
Burkham often made calls before the pitch was delivered LITTLETON, Colorado–Pioneering Major League Baseball umpire Francis Burkham, credited with breaking the seeing barrier in sports officiating, has died at the […]
This Day in History: 45 Years Ago Matthew McConaughey Emerged Fully Formed in Texas
He jogged right out of the ocean November 4, 1969–45 years ago today Matthew McConaughey, Texas’ greatest hero and Hollywood legend, emerged fully formed from the waters of Corpus Christi […]
Wilmer Valderrama Reviews Sex with Amy Schumer
Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career. This week, Wilmer reviews comedian and star […]
Nation’s Parents Name Adrian Peterson New Boogeyman
He’s coming for you! WICHITA, Kansas–The Center for Parental Discipline announced this week that suspended Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson has been named the new Boogeyman and will be […]
Man Cries Foul After Buying Ebola Suit Made From Ebola
Personalized apron included BROOK CITY, Louisiana–David Canter thought he had a sure-fire legal case against Turnco Products. But that was before he read the fine print. The 35 year-old freelance […]
McDonald’s Introduces 99-Cent, Bio-Degradable, Big Mac
Have it your finger-lickin way OAK BROOK, Illinois–In an effort to remain viable in the ultra-competitive fast food industry, McDonald’s Corporation announced today that it is offering its popular Big […]
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