Well take care of you

WASHINGTON, D.C.–As the U.S. prepares to honor its military veterans and service members on the annual Veterans Day holiday celebration, President Obama promised to spend $10 billion to upgrade Veterans Administration facilities across the nation by outfitting each with a state of the art crematorium.

“We pay tribute to those men and women who have sacrificed so much for our freedom and the love of this great nation,” President Obama said, “And we do this by ensuring all who have served the highest quality care through the VA system, as well as a quick and inexpensive disposal of their remains if they happen to pass at a VA facility.”

VA records show that nearly half of all veterans die while either receiving or awaiting care at a VA clinic.  President Obama said the White House has made a commitment to the men and women who have worn the uniform of this proud nation to make sure that upon returning from battles in which they’ve been surrounded by their dead fellow soldiers, they are not forced to sit in waiting rooms surrounded by their dead fellow veterans.

“Our responsibility as a nation,” the President said, “Is to care for our heroes from this life into the next.  We promise to swiftly and efficiently free you from your mortal coil.  The body is merely a vessel.  This Veterans Day I pledge to make decommissioning that vessel one less worry for our heroes to face.  They’ve certainly earned it.”