Dumb Kid With Huge Dick Gets Straight A’s
Sadly, every girl Darrell has asked to the prom has been expelled PORTLAND, OR—Susan Fortnor knew her son, Darrell, was never going to be a star pupil in school. A […]
On This Day in History: 32 Years Ago Bill Clinton Gave His Wife Hillary a Dirty Sanchez
He also got some on her eyebrows 1981—Clinton scholars have long pointed to this date, during the period when the former president was serving his first tenure as governor of […]
Tough-Talking, Alcoholic, Loose Cannon Cop Who Always Gets the Job Done Faces Suspension Again
A former special forces operator, Hardman is a martial arts master and sympathetic toward street kids DETROIT—Det. Chase Hardman, who gained fame last year when he single-handedly took […]
Army’s “Rape All You Want” Recruiting Campaign a Wild Success
Take your clothes off or the dog gets it WASHINGTON, D.C.—Figures released by the Pentagon show that the United States Army has surpassed all its recruiting goals for 2013 by […]
Somali Pirate Returns to Work Following Year-Long Sabbatical
Ogubuwe wants folks to have fun before the murder starts MOGADISHU—It’s been over a year since any commercial shipping vessels have been attacked by pirates off the coast […]
Meteorologist Pretty Sure Weather Just Fucking With Him At This Point
It’s either a storm, or someone spilled coffee on the weather map NORMAN, OK—When Tad Shapiro first joined the KOKI Channel 12 news team last fall, he considered the opportunity […]
Now Obama Just Going To Personally Confiscate Guns
Wave bye to your guns! WASHINGTON D.C.—After his latest gun control legislation failed to even receive a vote in congress, President Obama has signed a new executive order that authorizes […]
Tim Tebow Second Guessing Decision to Turn His Life Over to Satan
Tebow: “This is Satan’s idea of a fucking workout!” GAINESVILLE, FL—As former New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow looks for his next contract with an NFL team needing a terrible […]
Smoking Hot Retarded Chick Raises Serious Moral Questions for Local Man
Sheila often forgets to put on a shirt when dressing herself GROVE CITY, VA—22 year-old Mark Newton has never had much luck when it comes to dating. The college senior […]
Shocked Christian Stands Before Allah on Judgment Day
This was the greeting party HEAVEN—Burt Sommers lived 59 years as a truly devout Christian, attending church three times a week along with weekly bible study sessions. But after dying […]
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