Dumb Kid With Huge Dick Gets Straight A’s

Sadly, every girl Darrell has asked to the prom has been expelled

PORTLAND, OR—Susan Fortnor knew her son, Darrell, was never going to be a star pupil in school. A senior, 17 year-old Darrell had never scored higher than a C in any class the entire time he’s been in school.

“Darrell isn’t, I don’t think, afflicted or anything,” Susan whispers, “I mean, he’s not retarded. I don’t think. He’s just…slow.”

One can imagine Ms. Fortnor’s surprise when Darrell brought home his report card following the first semester of this school year.

“It was straight A’s,” she gushes, “Every class. All of his teachers talk about what a hard worker he is. They all say he has such a desire to learn. I was blown away.”

According to Susan, Darrell’s academic improvement has coincided with a tremendous physical growth spurt as well.

“Darrell grew six inches over the summer,” Susan says, “He was pretty awkward at first, all hands and feet, but he seems to be getting more graceful by the day. Plus, and I don’t know if I should be saying this, but he has become very well endowed. Down there, you know? You know the old saying that a man’s brain is in his pants. Darrell almost makes that seem like the truth. As that’s gotten bigger, his academics have improved dramatically.”

When Darrell’s senior year began, Susan says his teachers all took a special interest in his academic growth. According to Susan, Darrell has spent several hours after class with each of his teachers throughout the year. Several of them have even called and texted him regularly, to make sure he is keeping up with his studies.

“His teachers have also been real careful that he doesn’t devote too much time to one subject,” Susan says, “Last night he was doing a video study session with Miss Pierce, his history teacher, when Miss Payne called to remind him not to overdo it. I think later the two teachers met up to discuss Darrell’s academic progress. He’s just so lucky to have such devoted teachers. Oh, and they are so pretty, too. I’m starting to think Darrell might have a crush on one of them.”

The future looks bright for the former “C” student. With the help of devoted group of young teachers, Darrell Fortnor is on the verge of graduating high school at the top of his class.

“I knew right away he was special,” says Betty Payne, Darrell’s English teacher, “I told him if he just kept pushing and working hard, he would be surprised at how far he would come. There’ve been ups and downs. A lot of ups and downs, but with hard work and sweat, Darrell has earned his place at the top of his class.”

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