Pillsbury Headquarters Closed in Honor of “Baker’s Best Friend”

Please join BrokenWorld News in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and severe trauma to his internal organs from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, Mrs. Baird, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Tony the Tiger and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered a stirring eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.  Despite being a little flaky at times and often described as a crusty old man, he was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Warning: The following photo depicts the tragic death blow that took the Doughboy’s life.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, and two children, John Dough and Jane Dough.  Sadly, they also had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father Pop Tart, his half-brother Taekwon, and his beloved dog Dosey.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

By Tom Coughlin, Special Correspondent