Pigot? Maybe

BOSTON, Massachusetts—Dr. Henry Wadsworth, a linguistics professor at Boston College, is heading a team comprised of some of the world’s top linguists that is attempting to find the perfect word to describe billionaire real estate mogul and presidential hopeful Donald Trump.

“There are many wonderful terms that accurately describe various components of Mr. Trump’s personality,” Wadsworth said, “Arrogant. Buffoon. Asshole, if you’re comfortable with the vulgar.  Or Fuckwad.”

For Dr. Wadsworth and his team, the challenge is choosing a single word to describe the disparate personality traits that comprise Trump’s outsize character.

“One could easily combine descriptive terms that would be perfectly suitable,” Wadsworth said, “Is Trump an arrogant fuckwad?  Of course he is.  Asshole buffoon?  Absolutely.  Some folks—idiots—have even called him a patriot.  But to distill all of those characteristics into a single term?  I’m not sure if it’s possible. Puffy, maybe?”

It may soon be possible, however, as the linguistics team has been exploring the option of actually creating a new term specifically to describe Trump ahead of the upcoming presidential campaign season.

“Patriocist? Probably too broad since you could apply it to the entire GOP.  Boastard? Tends to ignore Trump’s positive traits, assuming any can be identified.  Dickheadstrong? Accurate, but it’s really three words, if you think about it. Pigot? Maybe…just maybe,” Wadsworth said, almost to himself, before returning to his work.