Filthy, Insane Tina Yothers Emerges from Old Family Ties Set

Her hair was blackened with soot

HOLLYWOOD–A decades-old Hollywood mystery was finally solved yesterday when long-missing Family Ties actress Tina Yothers was discovered living in a boarded-up Paramount Studios sound stage where the beloved 80s sitcom was filmed before a live studio audience.

The set had been permanently sealed  immediately following the series finale of the show, and within weeks Yother’s family reported her missing.

“Apparently Miss Yothers survived by eating rats and drinking her own urine,” said Lt. John Adams of the Hollywood Sheriff’s Office, “I guess there were a lot of rats.”

Yother’s discovery brings to an end a mystery that has endured for over a quarter century.  It had long been suspected that actor Marc Price, who played eccentric character Skippy Handleman on the show, ritually murdered Yothers and had repeated intercourse with her corpse before dismembering her and disposing of the remains in the sea.  But that turned out to be mere speculation.

“I’m just glad she’s been found alive so all the rumors can stop,” said Price, who spent six months in Hollywood’s Prison to the Stars before being released due to lack of evidence, “But I guess I have only myself to blame.  I immersed myself in the role of Skippy to the point that audiences couldn’t separate me from the raving psychopath on screen.  I’m just glad it’s finally over.”

Yothers was discovered by workers renovating the old set for an upcoming “re-imagining” of another 80s sitcom, My Two Dads, that will star Martin Lawrence and Damon Wayons.  Yothers was reportedly covered in excrement and filth and suffering from severe social anxiety and acute schizophrenia when workers pulled her from the set.

“It wasn’t immediately clear who she was,” said Adams, “During her years of isolation, Miss Yothers developed a strange language of whistles and clicks.  The only word she spoke clearly was “Mallory,” which is how she identified herself.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s