LAS VEGAS–Following days of the point spread for Super Bowl LV staying firmly at 3 points, mostly on the strength of a surge of support for the Tom Brady-led Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the line shifted heavily in the other direction early Sunday following news that God, Our Heavenly Savior, had laid down $500 on Kansas City to cover.
“It’s a little surprising, given the players involved,” said Fat Jack Mason, owner of an online sports book, “Tom Brady has had so much success, most directly attributed to his business partnership with Satan. I think that’s where most of the smart money should stay.”
Mason spoke about the last time God became heavily involved in a Super Bowl, in 2009 when the Arizona Cardinals faced the Pittsburgh Steelers. Pittsburgh won 27-23.
“Super Bowl 43 featured God’s all time favorite player, Kurt Warner, going against Satan’s main guy, Ben Roethlisberger,” Mason recalled, “God had something like $1500 on Arizona to win outright. I think that loss stung him a little bit, and made him gun-shy. He’s only putting down a third of that this year, and that’s just for a cover.”
Some observers have been speculating that God may be driving the action and hedging his bets after being stung by Warner and the Cardinals, not to mention the entire career of Tim Tebow, which reportedly caused God to lose over $100,000.
“Four and a half points is a big swing, especially on the day of the game. Usually you wouldn’t see that kind of movement unless there was a big injury announcement,” Mason said, “I wouldn’t be surprised to find out he had laid some big cash on the Bucs to cover, on the down low, you know? God ain’t dumb, regardless of what you think about the fact that he came up with the platypus.”