Ideal black man

FORT WORTH, Texas–Over 10,000 Texas Republicans gathered here to discuss and vote on platform agendas ahead of the 2016 presidential election.  While talks became heated on many issues, including gun control and women’s rights, a general consensus was reached on the issue of reparative therapy.

Reparative, or conversion therapy, is a treatment designed to assist African Americans in certain areas of social behavior.  Reparative therapy for blacks received unanimous support at the Texas GOP Convention, and polls across the state show nearly 70% of the state’s residents agree.

“We would like to see (therapy) become mandatory for our col–African American friends and neighbors,” says Carlie Alan, president of the Texas Patriot Foundation and Gun Club, “In order to help them get off welfare and crack cocaine and hold down decent jobs in the service industry or general labor fields.”

Alan describes reparative therapy as behavior modifier that teaches black men and women to speak and act in ways that better align with polite society.  Alan says she was introduced to reparative therapy by a young black man who was driving her limousine from a gala at the governor’s mansion last year.

“He had gone through reparative therapy the previous year,” Alan recalls, “And he was so nice and polite.  He was listening to George Strait.  Spoke proper English.  It was obvious the therapy had worked.”

In addition to modifying behavior, reparative therapy teaches patients to wear modest amounts of jewelry and clothes that fit correctly.  Emphasis is placed on learning to wear trousers to cover the entire buttocks.

“It is a very intensive program, but the benefits are immediate,” says Alan, “I joined a recent field trip with patients who were shuttled to a local theater to watch the new Tyler Perry movie.  Not one time did I have to shush any of them.”