Look, up in the sky! Is that dog shit?
FORT SCOTT, KS–When Jeff Luther adopted his dog, Dodger, an Australian Shepherd-mix, last year, he did so with the intention of training her to jump and catch frisbees and balls in the local park.
“I even thought about how cool it would be if we got real good and started entering those dog trick competitions,” Luther says, “I had some pretty big plans.”
But like so many of his plans, Luther didn’t see this one through. Dodger always had plenty of food and water, but she was largely left to her own devices in the small fenced-in yard behind Luther’s two-bedroom home.
“Dodger has a lot of energy, and she always wants to play, but I never made the time to go out and work with her,” Luther says, “I’d get home from work, sit on my ass in front of the TV, and think to myself how I’d go out and work on some stuff with her tomorrow. But I never did.”
Luther names off dozens of projects that he’s started without finishing, from rebuilding an old Mustang to writing a novel, but his failure to train Dodger stings him the most because she ultimately developed super powers.
“Dodger was barking at a squirrel up in a tree in the neighbor’s yard,” Luther explains, “She was going crazy, running back and forth along the fence. You could tell she would do almost anything to get to that squirrel. Well, pretty soon she just took off flying, right up into the tree and got that squirrel. Then she flew off into town and I didn’t see her again until she showed back up a couple days later.”
Luther says when Dodger returned she had developed several additional superpowers, including super strength and super speed. But because she has never been trained, all those super abilities are largely going to waste.
“There was a story on the news one morning about a large apartment fire, with dozens of people trapped,” Luther says, “So I loaded up Dodger and drove over to see if there was anything we could do to help. As soon as I opened the door to my truck, Dodger took off and started chasing cars down the street. Not only was she chasing them, but she was catching them and bringing them back. Those drivers were getting pissed, but it was just a big game of fetch for Dodger. All those trapped people died while Dodger was fucking with those cars.”
There have been several other opportunities for Dodger to use her new powers to help people, but Luther says she always gets distracted by things around her. Instead of becoming a hero, she has become a public nuisance.
“You can’t find a squirrel in this part of the country,” says Luther, “Cats either. Dodger even treed all the lions at the zoo. The police threatened to have her put down, but it’s not like they could actually do it. I’m gonna really have to start working with her pretty soon. Hell, we could win every dog trick competition on the planet. We could probably take over the planet, for that matter.”