“Not it!” said Romo, as players voted for captains

OXNARD, CA–When the Dallas Cowboys began their pre-season training camp this week, a key player was noticeably absent.  Quarterback Tony Romo informed the organization that he would not be attending any team activities until the Cowboys sign some much-needed free-agent help at his position.

“Our level of quarterback play has been atrocious these last few years,” Romo said, “Unless we get some help under center, I’m not gonna be able to lead this group of guys.”

Romo said it is difficult to command the respect of the guys in the huddle after he has thrown one of his signature ill-advised late-game interceptions, and has demanded that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones and staff address the situation immediately.

“How do you think it makes me feel, knowing that my team won’t do the things that need to be done to compete for championships?” Romo asked, “We’re facing a serious lack of talent at the most important position on the field.  It makes it hard to look guys in the eye and ask them to go to battle with you when they know you’re not up to the task.  And then the team refuses to sign a competent free-agent all so the owner can save a few bucks.”

Romo wondered aloud what management was thinking in blowing the opportunity to draft a gifted signal-caller in this year’s NFL draft.

“Maybe it was a down year for quarterbacks coming out of college,” Romo said, “But you can’t tell me most of the guys who came out this year wouldn’t be a serious step up in ability to me.  Take a guy like Landry Jones from Oklahoma.  Sure, he was terrible, but at least he played at a real school.  I went to Dipshit Valley State, for Christ’s sake.”

Cowboys players and coaches showed little emotion as news of Romo’s absence circulated.

“I didn’t realize he wasn’t here until our third offensive series,” said Cowboys center Travis Frederick, “I snapped the ball into thin air over and over, and the funny thing is we ended up with fewer turnovers than when Tony’s back there.”