After learning about foot fetishes, Francis vowed never to do this again

VATICAN CITY–Ever since he made the surprising, and somewhat controversial, declaration that he does not judge Catholics who are gay, Pope Francis has managed to work the subject of gay sex into nearly every conversation he has had, his top aide says.

“His Benevolence is fascinated by the subject,” says Cardinal Timothy Frost, “I think he is most intrigued by the mechanics of it.  One of the first things he asked me, was ‘how do they make it slippery?’  After I explained that many times they, the homosexuals, use whatever lubricants they might have on hand, such as hand soap or salad dressing, he was absolutely enthralled.”

Frost says that Pope Francis, just hours after making the announcement, visited a shelter for homeless men, where he repeatedly asked the men, all of whom he assumed to be homosexual, to describe for him what they do to keep warm on cold nights.

“The Pope really had no idea what the whole gay thing was all about,” says Frost, “I honestly think he mentioned it without really thinking about it.  But ever since he said he’s not going to judge people for being gay, it seems like that’s all he’s doing.”

Frost says Pope Francis has hinted that he will no longer be watching his favorite television program, WWE Raw, having read on the internet that some view professional wrestling as homoerotic.

“I think the worst for him was when I told him about Hugh Jackman,” Frost says, “He had no idea there were gay rumors about Hugh.  I’m like, ‘give me a break, Pope, the guy’s a singer and dancer!  And look at how hard he works to stay in shape.  Total Nancy-boy.’  He’s just goes ‘not Wolverine!’  We actually had a laugh about it, but I think it really did kind of bother him.  He probably jumped into the not judging gays thing a little too quickly.”