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Category Archives: Sports

NFL Commissioner Goodell Institutes Zero-Tolerance Policy for Crimes Involving Violence Against Erin Andrews

August 21, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Pretend boob grabbing is also off limits NEW YORK CITY–National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell sent a strong message today to coaches and players across the league when he announced […]

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Sports

Sierra Leone Wins 2014 Third World Cup

June 23, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Players compete inside Liberia’s National Stadium LIBERIA–The 2014 Third World Cup drew to a close earlier today when Sierra Leone won the champion match 1-0 over the host country, Liberia.  […]

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Sports

Russell Westbrook Kills Three Thunder Reserves During Heated Practice

May 5, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

There was blood everywhere OKLAHOMA CITY–Oklahoma City Thunder point guard Russell Westbrook is well known for his intensity on the basketball court, and generally serves as the team’s emotional leader […]

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Sports

QB Vince Young Signs Two Year Contract With AT&T Wireless

May 2, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

He turned down a similar offer from Sprint HOUSTON–Vince Young, the quarterback who led the Texas Longhorns to a BCS Championship and narrowly missed winning a Heisman Trophy, announced today […]

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Sports

Johnny Manziel Flees to Canada to Avoid NFL Draft

April 3, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

He ran the last hundred yards TORONTO, ONTARIO–Former Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel arrived here this morning, reportedly seeking amnesty to avoid being drafted into the National Football League.  Manziel, […]

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Sports

“Assholes and Elbows” Comes Up Yet Again in Coach’s Pre-Game Speech

March 22, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

“It’s my way or the highway!” CAP CITY, CA–Cap City Captains head coach Mark Akers is known for his fiery pre-game speeches.  The 34 year-old Akers, a maintenance engineer for […]

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Sports

Peyton Manning Reminds Fans He’s Basically Been Playing With a Broken Goddamn Neck

February 6, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Sometimes he has to actually hold his head in place DENVER–Following his team’s humiliating 43-8 defeat in Super Bowl XLVIII at the hands of the Seattle Seahawks, Denver Broncos quarterback […]

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Sports

Super Model Marisa Miller Reveals Her Marriage is Result of Lost Super Bowl Bet

January 21, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

This is what can happen if you bet on the Seattle Seahawks HOLLYWOOD–Supermodel Marisa Miller knew, from the moment she first laid eyes on music producer Griffin Guess, that one […]

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Sports

Alabama Coach Nick Saban Demands Soul Back From Satan

January 4, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

And also bring me the head of Bob Stoops! TUSCALOOSA, AL–Following a bitterly disappointing season in which the University of Alabama Crimson Tide football team failed to win an SEC […]

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Sports

Sobbing Kirk Herbstreit Loads Shotgun, Prepares to Put Lee Corso Down

December 16, 2013by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Herbstreit says he’s known for some time now BRISTOL, CT–Sobbing quietly, and a bit unsteady on his feet, ESPN College Gameday co-host and college football analyst Kirk Herbstreit walks out […]

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Sports

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