Divorcing Couple Engaged in Bitter Custody Battle over Piece of Shit Child

ROCK RIDGE, Arizona–Friends and family members have confirmed that Terry and Judy Montgomery are currently engaged in an acrimonious divorce following a rocky six-year marriage.  While both would like nothing more than a clean break, the single factor delaying a peaceful dissolution of the union is the question of custody of the couple’s horrible four-year old son, Allmand.

“I would understand if they both wanted to give up custody of this kid,” said an unnamed aunt, “But they both seem to want to keep him, which is astonishing.  If you were ever around him, just for a few minutes, you’d know what I mean.”

Sources describe the toddler as “selfish and entitled”, and “a perfect example of everything that is wrong with kids today.”  It is also widely believed that the pampered little piece of shit knows exactly what he’s doing when making in-app purchases on other people’s smart phones.

“And what four-year old needs an iPhone?” asked one anonymous friend, “Plus, can you believe what they named him?  Who does Judy think she is, Gwyneth Paltrow?”

It has also been reported that Allmand commonly throws crying tantrums when he doesn’t get exactly what he wants at that precise instant, including candy or snacks that aren’t readily available.

Still, the former couple can’t seem to come to a custody agreement for the whiny little bastard, a fact which is causing those close to the situation to grow increasingly impatient.

“I can only assume that this whole dispute is over child support, because it cannot be about being around this awful child,” said one unidentified grandparent, “This fucking kid would be the world’s most effective birth control advertisement.”

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