The mustache stays

HOLLYWOOD–James Franco, serious actor and modern artist, is proving once again that his commitment to the thespianic craft is unmatched.  The star of Hollywood classics Your Highness and Spiderman 3, announced today that he will undergo surgical gender reassignment in preparation for his role in the upcoming movie version of the classic 80s sitcom, Bosom Buddies.

Franco is slated to portray several different characters in the film, including the lead role of Kip Wilson, immortalized on the small screen by Tom Hanks, as well as Sonny Lumet, Kip’s love interest.  Franco decided to become an actual woman in order to make the filming of the pair’s graphic sex scene, which is rumored to feature full penile penetration, seem more authentic to theater audiences.

“What is a penis, but a crutch?” Franco ponders, “When you say crutch, it is almost like saying crotch.  Remove the crotch, remove the crutch.  Take everything else away, and all that remains is the art.”

Would you do me?  I’d do me.

Production on the project will commence in the spring, with Franco filming all his scenes as Kip.  The production will go on a brief hiatus while the actor undergoes surgery, after which he will return to complete the scenes featuring Sonny.

The premise of the film involves Franco’s Kip, along with his friend Henry (Jaden Smith), disguising themselves as women in order to live in a rent-friendly, and ladies-only, apartment building, where Franco’s Sonny is a resident.

“We’re taking the original concept to darker places,” Franco says, “It is all very layered, like a sand blossom.  That’s why the sex has to be real.  And the only way to make the sex real, is to make it between as few people as possible.  That means doing it with one person.  Me.  But two genders.  We’re going to blow some people’s minds.”

Franco will also be playing the role of Isabelle Hammond, a female African-American lounge singer.  Seth Rogen, Franco’s close friend and frequent collaborator, is slated to play the role of Buffy, who is Kip Wilson in drag.  The film is scheduled for release next fall.