Tim Tebow Second Guessing Decision to Turn His Life Over to Satan
Tebow: “This is Satan’s idea of a fucking workout!” GAINESVILLE, FL—As former New York Jets quarterback Tim Tebow looks for his next contract with an NFL team needing a terrible […]
Category Archives: Sports
Entire NFL Comes Out as Gay
Not as surprising as you might think New York City—National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that every member of the league is officially declaring his homosexuality. The news […]
This Day In History: 25 Years Ago Michael Jordan Wished AIDS Upon Magic Johnson
Jordan made sure to keep his distance from Johnson’s AIDS hole April 11, 1988—During the 1987-88 season, Michael Jordan was the toast of the National Basketball Association, following up a […]
Rutgers Basketball Coach Fired For Loving Too Much
Rice harshly punished players who looked at opposing coaches NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Rutgers University athletic director Tim Pernetti announced today that head men’s basketball coach Mike Rice would be terminated for […]
Make-A-Wish Foundation Grants Dying 14-Year-Old Boy’s Wish to Have Sex With Jerry Sandusky
Sandusky calls prison “Way better than I expected.” FRANKLIN TOWNSHIP, PA—When 14 year-old Joey Patrick found out earlier this year that the cancer he had struggled with for the last […]
Baltimore Man Prepares To Relive That Time He Shit Himself At Final Four Watch Party
March Madness is a difficult time for Josh Stevens BALTIMORE, MD—For many sports fans, the NCAA men’s college basketball tournament is a celebration of the purity of sports, a time […]
Tom Brady To Play Entire 2013 NFL Season Blindfolded
Brady also toyed with the idea of playing from a sitting position BOSTON—New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, who recently made headlines by signing a contract worth substantially less than […]
Kobe Bryant Calls Sex With Steve Nash “Rough But Consensual”; Nash Out 2-4 Weeks
LOS ANGELES—The Los Angeles Lakers announced point guard Steve Nash will miss up to four weeks following injuries he sustained on their latest road trip. “Steve’s just a little banged […]
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