Each week BWN special correspondent Wilmer Valderrama reviews the sexual prowess of the various Hollywood starlets he has bedded during his illustrious career.  This week, Wilmer reviews Shailene Woodley, star of the films The Descendants and Divergent.

By Wilmer Valderrama

I am not make Shailene Woodley to be with child or pregnant.  That is first of all.  And first of all, Shailene Woodley is unknown with me until I make her acquaintance.  But, first of all, the story of how we meet is unheralded by many.  I met this nubile young actress of the silver screen in the town of Hollywood.

First of all, I always am using prophylactic when engaged in sexual intercourse with an young Hollywood starlet actress.  That is only a safety concern.  Mama explained with me that if such an actress or woman of any kind is compelled to share sex with I, Wilmer Valderrama, then you never know where else she has sexed upon prior to our engagement in love making.  That is sage advice and one from whence I have never strayed.  And, first of all, this is why I did not impregnate Miss Shailene Woodley.

I am one day hope where I am in a relationship with Miss Shailene Woodley.  She ride me like a train.  I am feel ashamed and unclean when we were completed, but in a good way.  I have not seen The Descendants.  Have you?  I wondering whether if Miss Shailene Woodley performs nudely on that film.  Miss Shailene Woodley never allows me to gaze upon her while she engaged me in making of love.  It was pain and lovely.  I am only wonder if I can see her naked on film.  Do you know how to use websites?  I was made to conceal mine eyes beneath blindfolded while she made her way with me.  She may be hairy and smell of onions.  I am unsure.  I think there was two penis.

4 out of 4 Wilmer Valderrama’s

 Wilmer Valderrama is an A-list actor and star of That 70s Show and one would assume that he has tried his hand as a music producer.