Ex-con Says He’ll Pull One More Bank Heist Then He’s Done

The tough but thoughtful McIntyre has a Philosophy degree from NYU

SANDY RIDGE, AZ—Bill “Razorblades” McIntyre, a one-time stunt driver and veteran of the special forces, says he has reluctantly agreed to rejoin his former gang of bank robbers for one final score before he walks away for good. McIntyre, who was only recently released from prison after taking the fall for the very crew he’s rejoining, says he doesn’t have a choice, although he promised his ex-wife, who is still very much in love with him, that he had left that life behind.

“I just need to make enough so I can move out of my crappy apartment,” McIntyre says, “Someplace that I can be proud to bring my little girl when she stays with me every other weekend.”

Adding to his incentive to pull this one final job is the chance to pay off his debt to local mobster, Jimmy “Jellybeans” McNelly. And McIntyre admits he’d like to even the score with the crew who let him take the rap for their last botched robbery attempt.

“Yeah, I owe those guys,” McIntyre says, “I’m gonna come up with something real clever, some kind of bait and switch that will only be revealed moments before the cops show up, by which time I will have escaped alone with all the money.”

McIntyre, who was unshaven and smelled of whiskey when his old crew showed up to recruit him for the job, has somehow kept himself in remarkably good shape while maintaining his prowess with numerous weapons. McIntyre’s ex-wife, Tanya, is now married to total square Lance Thompkins, a real estate agent who is cold and distant to his wife and stepdaughter. McIntyre has little doubt he will be able to win back his family after this last job is done.

“They’re all that matter to me,” McIntyre says, “At some point leading up to the job, I’ll probably be with the crew at a strip club, where some way-hotter-than-normal stripper will come onto me, maybe offer me a free lap dance. When I turn her down and instead use my own jacket to cover her bare breasts, you’ll know how honest and loyal a man I really am.”

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