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Category Archives: Lifestyle

Friends of Heroin Addict Comforted to Know He Died Doing What He Loved

February 4, 2014by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

“This is how I’ll always remember Jeff” ST. LOUIS–Friends and family of Jeff Moore gathered to share memories and anecdotes about the former musician today.  Moore, 45, who was found […]

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Lifestyle

Newborn Mortified to Learn Parents are Juggalos

January 10, 2014by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Please God kill me now WINSTON, OH–Friends and family members confirm that three day-old newborn Madison Rogers was absolutely mortified when she emerged from her mother’s birth canal only to […]

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Lifestyle

Santa Claus Mistakenly Delivers Assault Rifles, Ammunition to Bullied, White Suburban High Schooler

December 24, 2013by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

It’s just what I wanted! WHITE HILLS, MD–North Pole officials are blaming a clerical error for the accidental delivery of a cache of weapons and over 10,000 rounds of ammunition […]

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Lifestyle

After Thanksgiving, Family Agrees to Meet Again When Grandma Dies

November 28, 2013by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

If the stuffing doesn’t kill her now LINCOLN, NE–Over the past several years, the Luther family has seen its once-huge gatherings become ever smaller.  A decade ago, it was not […]

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Lifestyle

Poorly-Written Suicide Note Fails To Engage Readers

August 20, 2013by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Experts suggest adding images and links, along with proper key word placement DEL BOCA VISTA, FL–Friends and family are still stunned following the death of Nathan Thomas, a 22 year-old […]

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Lifestyle

Zookeepers Frustrated By Kinky Panda That Will Only Ejaculate on Mate’s Back

August 12, 2013by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Sometimes he just glazes the whole room CHICAGO–Excitement has turned to frustration at the Chicago Zoo, as officials who had hoped the zoo’s lone female panda bear, Muffin, would successfully […]

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Lifestyle

For Tenth Straight Year, Summer Camp’s Entire Counselor Staff Butchered

June 5, 2013by Sal Kingfisher 1 Comment

Something about these scenic vistas sets off murderous impulses CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE, IL—In what has become a macabre yearly ritual, authorities at this seemingly idyllic lakeside community have discovered the […]

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Lifestyle

Girl Scouts Of America Body Paint Calendar Sets Sales Record

May 23, 2013by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

The calendar girls get ready for an interview with Howard Stern NEW YORK CITY–For years the Girl Scouts of America have funded many of their programs by selling cookies.  The […]

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Lifestyle

Smoking Hot Retarded Chick Raises Serious Moral Questions for Local Man

May 3, 2013by Sal Kingfisher 14 Comments

Sheila often forgets to put on a shirt when dressing herself GROVE CITY, VA—22 year-old Mark Newton has never had much luck when it comes to dating. The college senior […]

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Lifestyle

Ghost of Alzheimer’s Patient Haunting the Wrong House

April 17, 2013by Sal Kingfisher Leave a comment

Dr. Westmore also uses his ghost hunting adventures to make time with the ladies ROCKY FORD, WY—Paranormal researchers were called to the home of Bob and Kitty Collins earlier this […]

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Lifestyle, US

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