That real estate license is finally paying off

MOSCOW–Call him President Trump.  Russian President Vladimir Putin, who has been heavily criticized by the White House for his policy in Ukraine, shocked the world today when he announced that he had sold Crimea back to the embattled country for a cool $1 million profit.

Earlier this year Putin was under fire for what many world leaders saw as strong-arm tactics that resulted in Crimea, a resort region on the southern tip of Ukraine, being claimed by Russia.  But, it turns out, that was only part of the wily Russian leader’s plan.

Uri Parkarov, Putin’s business partner and co-owner of Golden Boy Properties, a Moscow real estate firm, says Putin never planned to keep Crimea for the long term.

“Vlad knows what he’s doing, even if the public doesn’t,” Parkarov says, “Look, do you think he got to be the 12th largest real estate man in Moscow by being dumb?  If so, I’ve got a Kremlin I can sell you cheap.”

Parkarov says he and Putin began planning casino zones and development sites in Crimea immediately after Russia claimed the province, raising the value of land there virtually overnight.

“We didn’t spend a dime,” he claims, “Just the rumors of our development sparked tremendous interest from Kiev.  Before long we had a seven figure deal on the table.  I tell you, Vlad’s knows the real estate game.”

Parkarov says he and Putin plan to celebrate the windfall with a wild night on the Moscow club scene, where Putin is known as “Vlad the Impaler” for his prowess with the ladies.  The deal is the largest ever for Golden Boy Properties, and Parkarov says he expects the company to continue to grow.

“We’re still fairly new to the real estate game,” he says, “This is only our seventh year in business.  But a deal like this gives you a certain amount of cache.  We have a pretty good shot at being recognized at the Moscow Chamber of Commerce awards dinner this year.  Things are looking up.”