Mission accomplished!

LOUISVILLE, KY–KFC CEO Dave Novak was forced to admit, after initially offering no comment, that the fast food restaurant’s new dollar menu will include a snack item that features rat meat.  Novak says he has hesitated in addressing the issue while KFC develops a sound marketing strategy to deal with the official announcement of the new menu.

“There are several new menu items we are extremely excited about,” Novak says, “We have some blackened chicken fingers that are stealing people’s attention.  There’s also a delicious stuffed chicken wrapper that is filled with bacon and sour cream that will knock your socks off.  And we have rat.”

Novak says he understands that there is a certain stigma attached to rat meat, especially since rats are blamed for spreading the bubonic plague, but insists that rats are generally misunderstood as a food source.

“Snakes eat rat all the time,” Novak says, “And if you know anything about reptiles, you know they can basically live forever.  Who’s to say eating rat won’t do the same thing for people?”

“What it comes down to is: rats are everywhere,” Novak continues, “There are more than ten times as many rats as chickens.  Once folks get a taste for rat, we can basically end world hunger.”

Novak first got the idea for adding rat to the menu while touring KFC franchises in China, where rat is a dietary staple.  He says many of the store managers asked about the possibility of adding rat to their menus.

“I’m thinking, ‘Rat?  Are you kidding me?’,” Novak recalls, “But then this fellow fries up a little rat and it’s delicious.  I mean it just knocked my socks off.  All of a sudden I have a taste for rat.  It’s so savory.  So I start thinking, maybe I can get Americans to try it, too.”

Novak says that with the news of the new menu items having leaked, KFC will likely expedite a formal announcement of some kind regarding the chain’s use of rat meat.

“We don’t want to try and deceive anyone about what we serve in our restaurants,” he says, “There was some talk early about giving it a sort of vague name like ‘Spicy Bites’ but we decided against that.  We didn’t want people to be whispering about rumors they might hear.  We think you should know that if you come to KFC, you’ll definitely be eating rat.”